Many of those saints, acquire churches under their own name usually specialising in specific wonders and miracles To better serve their flocks, successful saints have whole chains of churches named after them.
The authenticity and credibility of each church belonging to a saint depends to a large extend on the possession by that church of some or all the relics of its patron saint. So it has become that saints with successful chains, have bequeathed multiple copies of their holy relics to satisfy the needs of large numbers of churches. As an example, it is estimated that in Germany alone 26 relics of the apostles can be found!
Now, if a small bone from a saint can perform miracles like, cure diseases or get someone who dislikes you to fall in love with you, imagine what even the smallest bit from Jesus himself could do.
Here there is a problem though. We have all seen in numerous icons, stained windows, not to mention movies etc, that after his death, Jesus ascended wearing a white cloth and with all his bits there………. except one!
Like any good Jew, so did baby Jesus eight days after his birthday find himself in the hands of the good Rabi with the very sharp knife, who did to the son of God what every man who ever lived would not like to even think about.Clearly the result of that circumcision was, the creation of the holiest relic in Christendom. Mary placed the foreskin in an alabaster-box and put it away.
The holy foreskin reappears at the end of the 9th century, in the hands of Charlemagne who maintains that an angel gave it to him, so he in turn gives it to Pope Leo III who locks it safely away in the Vatican’s holy relics store.
At this time, holy foreskins started appearing in Europe, carried over by crusaders returning from the holy lands. It is estimated that in the middle ages, in various churches around Europe, there were up to 18 of these holy foreskins.
About 100 years later, Benedictine monks from the abbey of Charroux take their own Holy Foreskin, which they maintain was also given to them by Charlemagne, and go to Rome. They seek Papal certification of origin for their Holy Relic. Of course with his own Holy Foreskin locked away, the good Pope turns them down and in the confusion the Relic disappears again.
From the 16th century, with the Protestant Reformation and later with the French Revolution, one by one the Holy Foreskins are disappearing. However by mid 19th century, the one lost by the monks of Charroux reappears in their abbey, claiming its position as the Holiest Relic in Christendom.
This created a theological mix-up since for many years in the small village of Calcata, a few miles north of Rome, a Holy Foreskin sanctioned by the Vatican was doing brisk business with thousands of pilgrims looking for Vatican’s special offer of a ten year indulgence. With new competition from France, it was becoming increasingly more difficult for the church to manage the situation and by 1900 the pope declares that anyone who even talks about Foreskins will be excommunicated,
During the next 60 years, in Calcata business with the Holy Foreskin was quietly doing well. In the 1930s with little faith that the Holy Relic would protect the villagers from collapsing volcanic cliffs, the government relocated the whole village to nearby Calcata Nuova.
In the sixties, Hippies discover the empty village and begin squatting there. Not worried too much about their soul and the Papal excommunication, the Hippies bring life back to the village and the Holy Relic resumes brisk business.
Finally, in 1983 the Holy Foreskin disappears from the home of the local priest, who says he took it there for protection.
Various rumours exist concerning this disappearance. Like all good relics, this was contained in an expensive “relic-holder”, decorated appropriately with gems etc, so a straight forward robbery is possible.
Another possibility is that, thinking of a better pension scheme the village priest has arranged for its “disposal”, in which case the relic will eventually resurface in the international relics market.
More likely is the rumour that the Vatican snatched and locked it away, finally putting an end to that theological anomaly in Christendom’s well run business of miracles.
Finally a thought that may be closer to Dan Brown and the Da Vinci Code. What if the Vatican removed the relic from the market, fearing that advances in cloning technologies could use the foreskin to create a new Christ, and then everybody would be in trouble.
